Tim

I drowned in a zillion waves as my thoughts came crashing down on me which is really stupid. I need this alone time more than anything else. My bestfriend kept on disrupting my train of thought as I weighed if I should kill myself first or finish college. The former is pretty appealing to me. And then Ivan came into existence from my left and giggled about something she’d been working on. I really love hearing her stories on how she ended up being stressed about something she really loved to do; for example, the thing she’s giggling about is her screwtape letters. It’s a play she’d been working on with her churchmates. I really like it. I’m going to remind her as soon as I get the chance. Oh and I remembered that were supposed to get to the chairperson’s office because the fund raising thing I had going since last semester needs some ink and attention from her. I’m a kicker. If I want something, I do it. Even if it’s that hard or I’d possibly die of bulimia in the process I would still do it. I am mostly a pessimist but my friend here says that I am a masochist so that big of a sacrifice or desperation would probably show in my face because I freaking wear a sign in my forehead that says everything that I think or feel. Going back I remembered my purpose in the crowded office because the problem showed up in my head like a pop-up on your desktop which tells you that you’ve screwed something really bad. I snuck up on the office door of the chairperson and got my hopes up for the empty red leather chair. Oh and I guess she was out to eat or something because it was ten am and it was time for the office staff’s pre-lunch break. Don’t get me wrong they love taking these breaks. Like I was thinking it was more of the pre-lunch, lunch and then post-lunch break and then after a while of working there would be the occasional coffee breaks or the snack times. While everybody is thinking was that they are a bunch of VIPs who do nothing. Sorry, believe me I couldn’t help but raise that thought. I was under the impression that they are hard-workers. I mean, they still are but I cannot believe that there would be as many breaks. I love the government and their hard-working employees who are here to serve the people. Seriously! They should be given awards or something to recognize their loyalty to the country and their work. Hmm. I re-read this last statement and it sounded almost sarcastic. It is not. Although I have been trying so hard to be but I am not-sarcastic. My dad was a government employee but that was the past, my point is that I have this impression that all government employees were like my ever devoted dad. Sorry, no pun intended, of course. I love my dad. And there is no sarcasm in there either. I clicked the refresh button to see if Ivan was wired yet then when I saw that she was not, I shut my tweetdeck out. I seriously think that there is something wrong to Daryl’s way of walking. It’s like he was carrying something very heavy infront of him that he had to walk like a penguin. No- it looked a lot heavier because penguins do not look ragged or something in that manner. Anyway he just told me in an inelegant manner that Prof. Rivas had just arrived in the class. I shrugged and followed knowing that I knew that he was in the room three minutes before he told me. All it took was a good trip to a generous flight of stairs; for it was really convenient having to stay at the sixth floor without the privilege of using the school elevator. Sir Marlon told me that Prof. Rivas went up to our class ahead of us when we came to meet him in his office downstairs. It took what looked to me like a millennia to get back upstairs and get the chairperson’s signature and be informed that, yes, Prof. Rivas is present inside the room; it was like a ghost coming into existence shush, you would know more about ghosts as you read on so please do so, I am quite a blabber. So I followed the ragged penguin to our antique classroom with my friend tailing beside me. I quite forgot what we were discussing earlier so I pointed out that we’ll speak later. So I looked ahead with the enthusiasm that shamed the rest of the very enthusiastic bunch inside the classroom. It was my favorite Professor holding his coffee mug at the corridor talking to a stranger and I was bracketing him from the whole scene because I thought that it was awesome I get to be a part of his teaching life. I got myself some soppy and dramatic remarks and then congratulated myself. I turned left towards the entry that lacked the door; well what would one expect of a state university? The shamed enthusiastic bunch greeted me and I snatched the chair closest to me like I was in a Christmas party and I had to grab a chair when the song stops playing or else I would lose the game and not have pretzel afterwards. After I squished my fat butt in, I heard whining from Irish. It was her Christmas game chair and I snatched it. I said I was sorry then I accompanied her to the classroom of the sociology majors to borrow and drag some chair. Well I calmed then moved around like a freaking idiot probably because I was freaking or am an idiot. I would have agreed if you accused me either way. Still Ivan was not online so I started typing my stressors. “Do you believe in ghosts?” my professor came on and said the word ‘ghosts’ like it was my favorite cookie and I wanted to eat it and then choke it out afterwards. I could have gagged when I heard what he said. I know I had been good so why was I getting this for Christmas? “What are ghosts made of?” he continued, I could have passed out. I faked a yawn to mask out the panic surging from my gut. Then I started calculating my sanity close to the decision of Buddha: was I sane or not. It was either he was sane and I am the lunatic or he was the lunatic and I was sane. He was asking if I believed in ghosts and if I had ever known what they are made of. I would like to quote myself in the spite that this will make me popular in due time. “Things are said and named for a reason and that this is the reason they exists.” Okay, so if I am to follow that thread right, it meant that whatever is named or mentioned exists. I would then quote Hegel here that whatever is, is reasonable. I would not go one the particularities that would make your head ache but the topic here is me and as to what I was feeling. What I was feeling is the pain when you’re punch in the gut. The inspiration was passing and my thoughts were slipping when I realized that there could be a theme song for what my phenomenology class would be like. I sang the lyrics of “Misguided Ghosts by Paramore” inside my head and I could not help singing it out loud. Irish was growing irate but not by my singing, I hoped. I just came up with the lamest excuse to be sleepy so that I would seem uninterested but I was dying to know what he was talking about. It is really hard being me, there were time that I would think that there were two different me’s that made two opposing decisions. Then Irish started hitting herself because she asked the question from a different timeframe and had been accused of transcending time and space by our good professor. She started wallowing as she thought she might really be a ghost. I started to smirk at the thought of it. Sir Rivas was emphasizing everything, even calling her name in recognition. Really, the mind is so capable of many things and its thoughts are the most complex and of greatest importance. I felt like a director looking through a camera of a film about my life. When I think about it I want to start editing, close enough I would arrive at perfection. Enough about me; I heard some banging from the teacher’s table-Sir Rivas was trying to wake us up. I’m sorry if I found it rather condensing to have to think that Hegel liked the idea of ghosts and in that train of thought I started to yawn. No-maybe I got the context wrong. Because I think we are all ghosts in the manner of having the purest of ideas. I totally agree with what he was talking about-this might be the best part to strike the quote ‘tat tvam asi’ I am beginning to put everything together now. I ignored the snide remarks of Ivan, she hated the circle, said it was too slow. But I really loved the circle; it gives me time to think of things slowly but surely. I stared at the blinking cursor for a while to remember what else happened yesterday, for all I know it was god-awful and big of a disaster. Everything is made of ideas, this would have come from Berkeley. I love that guy. This could have justified what Sir Rivas was aiming at, we are all ghosts. There are ghosts. Ghosts are the essence of everything. It is the abstraction of things in themselves. He was also right that Plato was the first Phenomenologist. That he gave us the most striking remark at our first meeting in our major Phenomenology and Existentialism. Although I thought that this subject belonged to Sartre only, I was amazed to think that Plato did have something to do with ghosts. I suddenly felt giddy when I wrapped my mind around the idea that Socrates was Plato’s ghost. I am beginning to think of myself facing my own ghost. That would be heartbreaking. And then our professor went on about the manner of how we should have talked to our ghost. Don’t get me wrong because this is the critical stage of the process. I would have made my ghost a guy and would have named him Tim, because Tim sounded intimidating. Hah hah. Sorry, going back, as Sir Rivas elaborated, you would have that hunger for knowledge. People always had been very animalistic in searching or knowledge; wait for it because I am getting to the good part. They become savage for their drives are so strong they cannot help but become very needy and harsh. Sorry, I let my head go wild with describing things, I probably exaggerated. What I was explaining was that people are becoming very condensing in ways unknowable in the manner that they do not have any respect at all to the knowledge that they were uncovering. Let me give you the picture, in all of the existence of philosophy our aim is to find the ultimate truth. In this manner we’d have to uncover truths after truths, verification after verification. Like an onion with its layers of thoughts, people have tried peeling these things off generation from generation. Jesus would have had his share of peelings. Sorry, I did not mean anything bad to come from that; I was merely sighting an example. Surely, I gave you the picture of how the search looked like. I hate it. If I ever saw a scientist face to face I would have bitten him and slapped his face. Not only would I have done that but I would have said how disgusting and disrespectful he was. Did he love ghosts at all to be in that savage manner of uncovering it? No. As my professor put it, like a lady undressed in a room full of observing people, reality had gone mad. With how I understood of him talking to his own ghosts I prepped myself as to talking to mine. Tim was waiting at a corner to see if I was ready. Again, into my chargin, sanity came to me face to face. Was I ready to exist? I wasn’t so sure so I shoved Tim inside my jeans’ pocket to save the discussion for later. And then the class said my name and surely I had to report about Hegel next meeting. I was going to be a ghost reporting about ghosts because Hegel thought it was a fine dang thing to write a book about ghosts or spirits that had everything to do with existing. LOL. Seriously, what was I thinking? I nodded and agreed as Sir Rivas was expecting a confirmation. The class ended in a buzz of language distorting my thoughts. I came over to have the fund raising thing signed by the adviser because this was a form of advising. I could have laughed at myself at pointing the concept shirt with the ‘tat tvam asi’ in it. How childish and pathetic. I smirked, he said I was good. I was. I am. Tat tvam asi. Major LOL. I looked up and Irish frantically explained her end of the argument. It seemed that he was wrong about accusing her of transcending time and space. There was a silent apology at his end of the conversation and we stared at each other for a minute to realize the complexity of language. I turned to my heels and grabbed my bag. I have so much to do.

 

Zen

The body is the Bodhi Tree.

The mind is like a clear mirror standing.

Wipe it clean all the time,

Allow no dust to cling.

The Bodhi is not like a tree.

The clear mirror is nowhere standing.

Fundamentally nothing exists,

Where then is the dust to cling?

The primary concern of oriental thought is the oneness of all things. In separating oneself from all the differences that divides one from the others is the point of enlightenment. The thing that this philosophy seeks is how the universe works in this twisted concept of having unity over diversity. The most mind-blowing revelation was that after you have known everything, you would come to know that you really knew nothing. This realization is enlightenment. The chase was like that in ox-herding; the herder rides the ox to find the ox. The people were looking for the obvious the whole time and they were unaware and ignorant about it. This is what oriental philosophy is trying to teach us. The main concern of being a student of eastern philosophy was of its values and its almost passive training and preparing of the self for the truth. This truth is the universality of the things around us. The atman is one with the Brahman. Everything is created by the self-thou art that. This explains the unity of all things that came about. Enlightenment reveals the true self. The true self has always been the person. The realization that this person must be one with everything and that he/she must be at one with everyone is the accomplished and enlightened self, the true self. The person must come away from the barriers that held him/her from other people. The enlightenment is the oneness, the unity of all things. The things are interrelated and, in the end, the enlightened person must begin to share this gift with others. Within the diversity in the world, the enlightened person must form unity

The first verse is the statement of the student from which his master anticipated a lot from. Generally the thought of the verse seemed selfish and deceived. The student was still clinging to his picturesque world of deception. The student was referring to enlightenment (bodhi tree) as something material, as the body. The verse allows us to visualize the separation of the mind and body. There is no unity at all in what he said. The first verse then refers to the world that we are living; conceited and deceiving. This is not at all the main teaching of oriental philosophy. It has its catch, in the surface it might seem the most alluring statement than the other. It says that the body is where we find enlightenment and the mind of the person is like a clear mirror standing, this speaks a lot to the individuality of the person. In oriental thought, there must be united individuals. Like the symbol the thought represents-a circle. Within the circle there are invisible dots than make the whole. These are the people, trying to find enlightenment and wisdom. Also, the circle represents the renewal of the teaching as soon as they get to the realization. An example of this is how Buddha gets to stay and preach with the people. Also, the Zen allows the enlightened one to mix with the crowd in a market place. This show the never-ending process, a cycle which the circle represents. And the first verse did not at all hint the process of the cycle. It posited individuality and eastern philosophy shuns away from this. Let’s study the verses in detail:

The body is the Bodhi Tree.

The obvious contradiction of this first line in the eastern thought is that, it proposes materialism. That is the obvious flaw in the whole verse. Enlightenment is not comparable or likened to a body. Enlightenment is not something material. This is gained in a level that is beyond reality. A thought that is unreachable by something so limited like things material. The thought of having found the path to enlightenment is somewhat difficult. The person will always have the tendency to yield back and own his old life. This is why the study of the oriental thought needs extreme discipline. And becoming worldly, like the line is suggesting us to be, by finding enlightenment in the body is wrong. This does not constitute the teachings at all.

The mind is like a clear mirror standing.

Besides from stating that there is a duality from this world, the second line posits the deception of things. The mind sees only reflection of things and even if it is clear, it is still the reflection of the things. This is not the eastern thought at all. The path to enlightenment is not deceptive nor does it imply the thought of having to look at something or know something from a reflection. The mind that the line was trying to picture here was the deceived mind of the untrained self. This worldly self is still selfish for it tries to protect itself from all the lies and the reflection of the mirror. Again, this is not the teaching of oriental thought. As much as possible the teaching would tell us to break all the barriers that divide us from everything-forget oneself, and become one with the world to know oneself. And the mind being the clear mirror is not at all unifying for it separates the self from the real thing and the perceived reflected object.

Wipe it clean all the time

Allow no dust to cling.

This line instructs us to wipe the clear mirror. It meant that we should practice the bodily enlightenment all the time. The first line was off, the second line was a goner and what the third line suggest was ridiculous. It states that we should hold on to whatever worldly it is that we are doing. The self never finds contentment on the material things in this world. It never settles for anything that is why the person come to find its end-happiness. The surface flaw of this systematic cleaning of the mirror might stop the reflected image from more obstructions but still, it is a reflection. The self would not settle for that. What it will find is the true self and be enlightened not deceived.

The second verse is the real oriental thought. It devises unity and it denies the plurality of the world. This is exactly what the teaching is all about. The oneness of all things-the form from emptiness, unity over diversity.

The Bodhi is not like a tree.

This line upfront denies the duality of things. This is the fundamental concept of the eastern string of thought. Enlightenment is not something material, it goes beyond that. And this line implied that it is not and is not comparable with it in the first place.

The clear mirror is nowhere standing.

In the first verse, it did not say where the mirror was facing. This implies that the mirror is non-existent. When a practitioner of Buddhism losses him grip on his motivation, he finds himself making excuses and goes back to being worldly. The person goes back o his non-existent reality. The reality is the realization that everything is one. And staring at the reflection of the self in the mirror refers to individuality.

Fundamentally nothing exists,

Where then is the dust to cling?

Form is emptiness and emptiness is form. Fundamentally nothing exists for everything is unified. Nothingness depicts the surrealism of everything that you cannot trust to exist. Nothingness is becoming, and it is its form. This is the form of the first principles of eastern thought. It is somewhat twisted around and turned about in different translations but the meanings are still the same. Everything is unified. One.

On Oriental Philosophy: In my Head

There is a huge space that occupies the vast expanse of the mind; it envelopes the thin validity of reality and the abilities of the feeble human imagination. To come to know this is the proposition of the eastern thought. The study is not concerned with individual enlightenment but the enlightenment of the whole. In this line of thought one would come to know the same substance of the reality we are searching for and the reality we now have. The thing that would only change is of how we see things; it would be in a different light. Oriental philosophy is the advance in ethics and metaphysics contained in one. The people made their philosophy their way of life-a religion. The progression of thought was very unambiguous yet it was slowly making its way to the truth. It was very unlike the western way of thinking wherein it was rather fast and there are flashes of uncertainty and contradictions. This is why the eastern thought is fixated in a picture of a circumpunct defined by the process of their thought. I am genuinely amazed by how their lives work in line with their philosophy; this has a great difference in the whole of western thought wherein philosophy is a different thing in their lives and is somewhat separated by prejudices from science and religion.

The circumpunct  is the practice of eastern thought. It represents the people and their reality. The main flow of thought was that everything and everyone is one. This is depicted in the circle. It is the progression of their discipline and training of their ‘self’ as they move towards enlightenment. Within this figure lies the infinity of dots which are the people practicing the philosophy and in the center is the dot that is the unity of all the study- it would be named as the Brahman, the true self, the true nature, the Brahman reality and so on.

The importance in studying this is that the people are fixated in the object of the ‘here and now’. The people do enlightenment everyday and they are in what I call a passive-progressive stand in reality. It is my theory that the people are in a passive state-a trance, yet they gain mental episodes of enlightenment, this is the progression. And it is very important that they are in sync with this passive-progressive state every time for it is the cause of their concept of the ‘here and now’.

This passive-progressive state conforms to the principle ‘thou art that’ for the person is the one responsible for his/her own reality. We may then believe the saying ‘to each his own’ for the creator of the world is the person himself and he owns his own reality. The lesson was to not be deceived of the gods that religion prepared for the people to not be abusive over their own powers. In oriental philosophy, the people are in constant discipline and practice that is why they are in control of their own reality and their own selves. The Brahman is in for all.

Every individual in the world is in an infinite longing for truth and it has never been quenched by the things that are present in the reality of the people. The time comes and they come to find it in themselves- the atman that is one with the Brahman. Each person has an individual Brahman that is united with all other Brahmans that are interconnected to the world. Unity over diversity, this is the reality of the people; the truth they had been searching for all the while. Enlightenment is not the highlight of the study of oriental philosophy. The person is not worthy of enlightenment if one is only interested in being enlightened. The person must be interested with the study mainly, and incorporated in the study is the enlightenment of the person. This takes away the selfishness and the individuality of the person. It clears the motive of being concerned in enlightenment only not the study of the enlightenment that entails the enlightenment itself.

The enlightenment is the realization that the self can create and can destroy in line with the freedom of language and its many evils. A bright example it the atman having to know that it is similar with the Brahman; another is the search for the ox wherein the ox herder is riding the ox to find the missing ox.

This study comes in fresh for the thought of having to forget oneself to unify it with the world is the most inspiring in the teachings. The self knows itself by not knowing. Concepts of this idea floods in but in a nutshell, it tells that one is in unity with everything else. Breaking it down into different concepts, first, in the famous line of the Zen master dogen:

“To study the way is to study the self,

To study the self is to forget the self

To forget the self is to be enlightened by all things

To be enlightened by all things is to remove the barriers between one’s self and others.”

Being enlightened requires one to forget the individual self and then unite it with the universal self with others. It is mostly referred to as the universal Brahman. The person would then come to realize inner passions (tat tvam asi) and then share it with others this is what really is. It is composed by the metaphysics and ethics of the oriental thought. Another is the proposition of ‘knowing by unknowing’ wherein the same concepts are applied: the individual self is forgotten and it is united with the universal one. The line of Socrates is highly applicable in this note: “after I have come to know everything, I realized that I knew nothing.” This freedom of knowing nothing is enlightenment. This is the release from the deceptions that tie the people’s judgment form things- the nirvana. Form is emptiness and emptiness is form. This is another lesson learned in oriental philosophy, in nothing, there is something. This something is what we make of it as the concept of tat tvam asi that is applied generally in every teaching.

The self is considered as the god of the oriental thought for the person is the one who creates and destroys (tat tvam asi) and the self is no different from the true self. Enlightenment is the realization of that it was never different: the reality is only viewed in a different light. The people must not live for their own but must live for other as the enlightened ones must show a united front so that the people may follow their examples. the world then is a literature- a work of art created by numerous people. Dumbfounded- they strive for more, following their blind greed for the truth that was all the time, had never been gone and only is determined by sharing and love for others. The only misconception of the Western thought is that they had fused religion with politics that the state is ruled by greed of power and a god that is selfish.

In real time, the people are still not aware of the capacity of their minds and they are blinded by differences of things material and spiritual. What oriental philosophy teaches us is that everything is interrelated and that there should only be unity in spite the diversity of individual interests and atmans. The people are deceived by the temporary pleasures that the world has to offer and they prove their knowledge to be inefficient and untrue for they are never satisfied with themselves. The end of every person is happiness and it is foun in the trance of passive-progressive wherein one knows by not knowing and finds unity over diversity. Everything is one. J

The Killer

Chocolates and Ice Creams, those are my comfort foods. How I wish that in every bite the sweetness would substitute the bitterness of life, rather (I daresay) love. Many a time I wished that I would close my eyes and never wake up again, liberation from all the sufferings that I felt in this material world, I believed that in death, I’ll find peace; it is the weirdest thing- to wish to die. Never would you be as cowardly by being human and wishing to die. But what could I possibly do when I really love him? I’d do everything to see his slow smile creeping from the corners of his lips, tugging every heart string that I’ll ever posses. I’d rather die than see him hurt by my foolish actions and decisions. But that’s love, really-seriously, it could get that dumb and idiotic. If I’d been rational all this time I would have had the answers to all those stupid questions that I throw on people every waking god forsaken day. Why is he not calling anymore? Why is he not texting? Am I being so clingy? Do you think he’ll like me more when I wear this? Do you think he’ll notice me when I smile more? Or should I move my ribcage so that my boobs would thrust forward a little more?  Up until now I kept on wondering why the heck am I still thinking about him when all he did was get me all dark and twisted inside. The reason? Love-yes, you guessed right, and for that you are entitled to lick your plate clean at dinner time- no need to think about your diet, this time let go of all the reins and enjoy life. Boyfriends and girlfriends are for puppies, you deserved to be human- or maybe you decided that you don’t want to reason out? That’s okay with me, I have been a puppy for god-knows-how-long- smitten and all gooey and the sticky stuff it’s made of- and by the time I realized stupidity, I came straight to the freezer and stuffed my sorry mouth with vanilla ice cream to stop it from making weird, awful and painful sounds like: oomph, aaaargh, and huhuhu. Sobbing and sulking is most popular with girls and right after they’ll come yelling “I hate you” or “you’ll be sorry!” or “I’m your f-ing loss” or “I find you stupid anyway.” But the question is, do you mean it? No, so instead of facing the hurtful truth that you still love him, you cry a cry jerky than that of annoying infants. And does this make you a loser? Ich glaube nein. No ,my dear, I don’t think so. After all those tissue rolls, you rise up and turn to find the light- you come to look at the world with a new perspective. It is a beautiful thing, love is, and you try to make it work for you. Because you know that there will always be supplies of ice creams and chocolates and the sort that would make you feel better when sulking comes to you again. You hope deep, deep inside your heart that there will be someone catching you when you fall; like a hero-heroine movie. It’s that kind of picture that is forever imprinted in our minds where couples celebrate their love in a field of flowers- and the backdrop is in baby pink. How I wished life had a happy ending; that it wouldn’t end if it weren’t happy. I’m sorry if I’m being all together shallow with the contents of this blog, I guess one bar of chocolate didn’t do the trick. But that’s just life, I’ll always want something I can never have; being a teenager excludes me from a certain maturity circle- I had no right at ending at a conclusion for I lacked experience whatsoever, boohoo poor me. So instead I share my frustrations with everyone and draw emotions out of words- (if I really did succeed in doing so, bless you, you are a skilled soul for decoding my shattered thoughts) bitter, because of a broken heart. How I wish I knew a better way on how to express my feelings- god forbid this is my first and my last.